Gratitude

As a Psychologist who commonly works with clients, but especially men, who experience a range of difficulties (e.g, emotional, behavioural, social, and substance abuse/addiction), I am continually struck by how unhelpful thinking patterns developed over years of traumatic interaction with their personal worlds contribute to their ongoing difficulties.  Over time, these guys have developed self-destructive ways of thinking about themselves, others, and the world that make change very tough for them.  Sometimes I say to clients, "How would it be to consider that everything you think you know about yourself and the world is ultimately quite unhelpful to getting to where you want to be, or just plain wrong?"  Often this is a starting point for opening out one's thinking to consider other perspectives, and create some wriggle room for cognitive (and behavioural) change.

I am a big advocate of something called gratitude.  Heard of it?  Basically, gratitude is a feeling or attitude of thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation that one has received or will receive.  Some research that has emanated from the positive psychology movement has shown that people who express gratitude regularly find themselves more optimistic.  Therefore, the deliberate practice of expressing thankfulness to others, or reflecting on things in your life you are grateful for, can open up a world of possibilities, rather than a focus on the negative.  So using this notion as a jumping-off point, it is often useful to develop in conversation with male clients, ideas about what they are grateful for in their lives, and how they are communicating that not only to those who are closest to them, but also to themselves.  They can articulate gratitude about people, traits, situations, experiences, anything at all.  For example, I am grateful about being able to do work that I love, that clients will give me an hour of their time every week, and open the door of their lives a little and show me around.  This is a privilege.


Gratitude hit prime time in last few months on the very popular singing competition, The Voice, in the form of one of the contestants, Darren Percival.  Percival is a 40 year old singer who has been trying to kickstart his career for the best part of two decades while being met with obstacles to major success at every turn.  The thing that struck me about his time in the national spotlight of The Voice was how appreciative he was for not only doing something he seemed to truly get joy from, but being able to do it for a large audience who not only appreciated his immense talent, but responded with admiration and adoration, taking him right down to the last two contestants.

The lesson here, is that when you express gratitude for the things in your life that you love and are thankful for, you are much more gentle with yourself.  Additionally, people respond in kind, and your life (and the lives of those around you) become much richer for it.  Try it for a week, and see what happens.