Domestic Violence

Grant Hackett has become the public face of  domestic violence over the past few weeks following the  unfortunate release of photos taken following what can only be described as his rampage through his luxury home late last year.  From the outside it seemed that he had the perfect life - lauded Olympic athlete, wholesome face of a variety of high profile products, pop star wife, beautiful twins.  But you hold up a magnifying glass to anything that is seemingly perfect and you'll see cracks, imperfections that have the potential to break under pressure.  Hackett's situation isn't particularly novel - it is played out in homes (and subsequently courtrooms) across this country (and probably every country) every day.  What is shocking about this situation is that Hackett's very public image was completely different from what was happening inside his home, and it brings domestic violence front and centre in the public's attention, at least for a moment.

I have seen many men in my practice who are violent in their romantic relationships.  Seeking to judge their behaviour in terms of good/bad, right/wrong, or portraying them as perpetrator against victim is incredibly lazy and will not get you any traction in moving them to critically examine their behaviour (a mistake sometimes made by female counsellors).  What is needed in the case of Hackett rather than the current media portrayal of him as a demon is rigorous analysis of his psychological development and belief system.

I often ask male clients this question, "What does it mean to be an adult?"  And I'd be interested to hear what answer Hackett would come up with to this question.  He had a wife, two young children, gainful employment, a successful athletics career - to the outsider he had everything that many people would use to define being an adult male.  But, if you believe the media coverage (which is probably questionable) he also had some issues with alcohol, binge spending, and some difficulty appropriately managing his behavioural responses to anger.  Where did Hackett learn to behave in this way?  Does the being an Olympic hero in a country that lauds athletic prowess seek to keep you in some sort of perpetual adolescence where you think that you can get away with anything and be forgiven?  Often the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and Hackett's father's reaction seems telling indicating a shocking lack of empathy for his daughter-in-law and grandchildren.  Neville Hackett was quoted as saying,  "He may have wrecked the joint but he didn't harm anyone... The kids did not witness the outburst.  And Candice (Hackett's wife) wasn't there for 90 percent of it."  In trying to protect his son, Mr Hackett has unwittingly become complicit in the abuse, because being present for even 10% of the "outburst" would have been terrifying for Mrs Hackett, and violence, at least in my experience, never occurs in isolation.  And does he think that his children can be forever protected from the media coverage of that night?  In their minds, at some point they will understand that Daddy can get angry and violent.


I have great empathy for Grant Hackett because it appears he has a serious problem and I hope he is getting some support in dealing with it.  He is someone's father and husband, and if he didn't get his act together before becoming those things, it is time to do that now, while he's in the eye of the storm.  As I have written before, too many children grow up in fatherless families for whatever reason.  I hope Hackett doesn't join that crowd.

Any relationship where one partner seeks to have power and control over another is destructive to all concerned.  Public demonisation of Hackett doesn't advance the cause of anti-domestic violence movement.  Only empathy and understanding of his demons will.